The Stormy Sea
As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking
fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."
"Good," said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us
put on our life jackets. We're one short."
drunken man staggered in to a Catholic church
and sat down in a confession box, saying nothing.
The bewildered priest coughed to attract his attention,
but still the man said nothing.
The priest then knocked on the wall three times
in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally, the drunk replied, "No use knockin', mate,
there's no paper in this one either."
in the Sand
One night I had a wonderous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of the Goddess they were,
But mine were not along the shore.
But then some stranger prints appeared,
And I asked her, "What have we here?
These prints are large and round and neat,
But much too big to be from feet."
She said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."
"You would not learn, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know.
So I got tired, I got
And there I dropped you on your butt.
"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb.
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."
- Author unknown
Atheist in Trouble
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing
when suddenly his boat was attacked by the
Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast
tossed him and his boat high into the air.
Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.
As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out,
"Oh, my God! Help me!"
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place,
and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming
voice came down from the clouds,
"I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"Come on God, give me a break!!"
the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago
I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"
Getting Into Heaven
After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the
Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter
to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a
beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents
and all the other people she had loved and
who had died before her.
They saw her and began calling greetings to her.
"Hello!" "How are you? We've been waiting for you!"
"Good to see you!"
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him,
"This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
The woman correctly spelled love, and Saint
Peter welcomed her into heaven.
About six months later, Saint Peter came to the
woman and asked her to watch the Gates of
Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates
of Heaven, her husband arrived.
"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said.
"How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died,"
her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young
nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And
then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and
I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world.
We were on vacation and
I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head,
and here I am. How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER:
We recognize that religious humor can be risky.
It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others)
we can make this subject more approachable
Gonna Eat Your Fingers "
This one is for all of who:
a) have kids
b) had kids
c) was a kid
d) know a kid!
As I was packing for my business trip,
my 3-year old daughter
was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one
she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out
two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I
reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and
"Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!"
pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room
When I returned, my daughter was
standing on the bed staring
at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, "What's wrong,
She replied, "What happened to my